Dear Dr. TRuth,
I have been good friends with this girl for about 5 years and I started to have feelings for her about 1 year ago and never had the courage to tell her because I thought it might ruin our friendship.
But about 4 months ago I told her about my feelings towards her and how I have liked her for sometime. The problem is that she has been going out with another guy for about 7 months.
The trouble is that she and I began to see each other allot and she started to fall for me also.
She says she loves me but she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend because she says she is "afraid."
She loves me but she also loves her boyfriend.
What should I do? Try to wait things out, or forget about her?
Dear "in love"
Your "friend" is playing a dangerous game.
I do believe you can be attracted to two guys but you can only really love one.
I think she is afraid to rock the boat and doesn't want to change anything. After all, why should she? She has both of you eating out of the palm of her hand.
Secondly, look at how she is behaving towards her boyfriend. She is flirting outrageously with another guy. In a sense, she is being emotionally unfaithful to him!
What does this tell you about her character? How do you think she will act when she is with you? When another guy comes along that she's attracted to, will she flirt with him on the side as well?
Here's my advice: tell her that while you have feelings for her, you don't think it's fair to her boyfriend for her to behave this way. Tell her that you don't think it is fair and honorable to carry on secretly while she is in another relationship.
Then, stop seeing her completely. Let her miss you for a while. If she really loves you, she will choose you. If she doesn't come to you on her own, she never loved you anyway.
Make her choose, and, while you're at it, think enough of yourself to find someone who puts you first, not second, to someone she already has.